This short piece is about a girl running away from the pain of her past and finding purpose and happiness in a place I wish to visit one day.
Then:
“I can’t do this anymore. I’m not going to stay here and pretend that everything is okay while I’m crumbling inside. I have lost the one person I loved and I’m being held prisoner by my own guilt and sorrow. Everyday is a struggle for me. Every breath without him is agonizing. Staying here and being reminded of his presence is tearing me apart. But I’m not going to let my despair destroy me. I’m leaving. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’ll do, but I’m starting over. And hopefully I can move on because putting on a facade everyday, acting like I’m okay is exhausting.”
Now:
She stares at the serene waves lapping gently onto shore as the sun offers its warm embrace to the entire town. Vibrant Italian architecture and villas stand tall across the lake; behind them luscious valleys lined with Mediterranean Cypress flowing freely. The air is filled with hints of bergamot and fresh bread offering a feeling of comfort and home. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as a small grin appears on her face. This is the new beginning she has longed for; an escape from the sorrow and pain from her past. She is finally free. And as the warm rain begins drizzling down on her, she believes it too.
One of my biggest goals in life is to visit Italy. Everything from the food, culture, architecture, and views draws me in. My cousin and I have even planned a trip to Italy and Europe for fun; researching places to visit, restaurants to eat at, and activities to do. I have thought of the places I would like to visit once I get there and one of those places is Lake Como, which inspired the second half of this piece. I found a breathtaking video of someone’s trip to Lake Como and wanted to incorporate its beauty into my work. One day, I wish to be sitting near the shore like the girl in my story and take in everything it has to offer, letting all my stress, anxiety, and worries melt away. I truly believe a change of environment can evoke recovery and happiness giving an individual a sense of purpose or guidance that they were lacking before. That’s why the character in my piece was able to obtain peace and happiness once she left the environment that was causing her pain. I wish to find these things one day and maybe I will discover them in Italy or some other corner of the world, but for now I will make do with and appreciate the beauty around me as I continue to work towards this dream.
Bibliography:
https://unsplash.com/photos/9tY9Z78gk6I
https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/66780006965055915/
https://unsplash.com/photos/iizQopzyMJg
Dear keerte,
I just want to reiterate that your imagery throughout this piece like many others is beautiful. I liked how you had taken a initially, then finally approach in order to depict the progression of the girl thoughts throughout her circumstances. I feel as though for future reference the piece itself could use additional detail just so the audience is provided with abut more insight. An explanation would work to provide a bit more clarity for your ideas.
Overall this piece is great! Keep it up.
Sincerely, khushman
Dear Khushman,
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my work. I really appreciate your kind words and feedback. I agree with adding an explanation in so I went back and did so. Thanks again!
Sincerely,
Keerte
Dear keerte,
I just want to reiterate that your imagery throughout this piece like many others is beautiful. I liked how you had taken a initially, then finally approach in order to depict the progression of the girl thoughts throughout her circumstances. I feel as though for future reference the piece itself could use additional detail just so the audience is provided with abut more insight. An explanation would work to provide a bit more clarity for your ideas.
Overall this piece is great! Can’t wait to see more.
Sincerely, khushman
Dear Keerte,
Your piece was a work of art! I was engaged the entire time, and I think the way you developed a contrasting effect between the girl’s ‘then’ and ‘now’ really played a large role in this as it allowed me to truly see the impact of starting again in a new place. I was hooked by the portion at the end where you discussed your own dream of visiting Italy because it served as an excellent personal connection; this aspect of your writing really allowed me to connect back to my own dreams and goals as well. I also thoroughly enjoyed your use of visuals as each image added something new to your piece. Keep up the good work!
For the future, I would recommend either adding a more in-depth explanation of your story in the beginning or making your actual story more detailed and insightful; while I do believe your story was unique through the use of the ‘then’ and ‘now’ portions, more explanation and details would’ve allowed the reader to dive deeper into the meaning and connection to the human condition. Another thing I would recommend is to reread your piece again to catch minor errors; for example, in the line “This is the new beginning she has longed for; an escape from the sorrow and pain from her past,” the semicolon should be replaced with a comma or dash. While this didn’t really take away from your work, removing these errors can help to enhance the flow of your piece.
Overall, this was a fantastic piece. It excelled in multiple areas from relatability to aesthetics. Your piece really got me thinking about how stress and adversity can be such a burden on an individual. I look forward to reading your future works!
Sincerely,
Saad
Dear Saad,
Thank you for reading my work, I truly appreciate it. Your feedback and kind words mean a lot! I agree with your suggestions of providing a more in- depth explanation or being more detailed; I shall keep this in mind for next time. Thanks again!
Kind Regards,
Keerte
Dear Keerte,
I have felt a redefined sense of enlightenment after having read the piece that you crafted! First and foremost, the central themes from the story that you wrote were married throughout the course of your entire writing piece with smooth transitions and great connections of ideas.
In addition, I really enjoyed the concept of your story which included elements of escape from problems that plague an individual’s life and finding salvation in different environments. Moreover, I believe that with the ever-changing circumstances that we are experiencing your piece captured these elements very well since many individuals are seeking escape however are unable to due to the restrictions.
Another aspect of your writing that heavily increased the experience that I had as the reader was your incredible use of descriptive language and diction for instance in this line, “The air is filled with hints of bergamot and fresh bread offering a feeling of comfort and home.” Also, this same segment not only served to allow the reader an opportunity to envision the setting but also proves that you are very well versed in the area you were writing about which made the reading experience all the more enjoyable
For the future, I would include more of your amazing philosophical narrations in the explication for instance maybe tying the piece back to elements from texts that we have studied would add to the element of perspective that you have included and allow for further nuanced ideas.
All in all, Keerte you have created a wonderful piece. Your style of writing is clear, and your ideas eye-opening; you have great skills and I hope you achieve your dreams of visiting Italy!
Sincerely,
Kshef .K.
Dear Kshef,
Thank you for reading my work. Your feedback and kind words are truly appreciated and mean a lot coming from you. I agree with your suggestions and believe that connecting my work to a piece of text we studied would’ve made it stronger. Thanks again!
Sincerely,
Keerte
Dear Keerte,
I really enjoyed this piece of yours and was fully engaged when reading it. I really liked how you added a personal connection as it made your piece very relatable with as a reader! I also loved your layout it really brought your whole piece together.
The only suggestion I can give is having had given a little bit more of a detailed backstory in the beginning about what your piece is going to be about. overall I really enjoyed reading your piece and looking forward to reading your future writing.
Sincerely,
Komal
Dear Komal,
Thank you for reading my piece. I agree with your feedback and believe a detailed back story would have helped my work. Thanks for your kind words as well!
Sincerely,
Keerte