Response to “Nanima”:
Fortunately, I have not felt a major sense of loss in my life yet, however Joseph, a relative of mine who lives nearby, most likely feels it now. Shortly before the first lockdown, Joseph was put onto long term disability leave due to him having Parkinson’s and multiple sclerosis (for those unaware, Parkinson’s affects a person’s motor skills and cognitive functions while MS affects the brain’s connection to the body). It has gotten noticeably worse over the last year likely due to him not working. He used to work installing devices to help disabled people in their homes. Since retiring, Joseph has tried doing more things around the house to mixed results. There are a few things that he tries to do, but he doesn’t do them very well, and he ignores our suggestions saying that he can’t do them because of the diseases. While I don’t know what is going on in his head (at times I’m not sure I want to), I believe he feels that his life has been taken over by the diseases and that he lost part of who he was. He used to help many people with his job, but now he can’t do much without getting frustrated.
Response to “The Dawn of Freedom”
No matter how oppressed a group of people is, there will always be someone who desires freedom and is willing to fight for it. In the poem “The Dawn of Freedom” by Faiz Ahmed Faiz, the narrator explains how the country’s leaders have told the people that they have been freed from oppression while they ignore the people suffering. The people are only allowed to express happiness as expressing anything else is outlawed.. “Friends, come away from this false light. Come, we must/ search for that promised Dawn.” This poem could be about most totalitarian governments, however it is most likely discussing the leaders in Faiz Ahmed Faiz’s home country. He sees that the people are not truly free from oppression. He wrote this poem as a way to describe how the country is given the illusion of freedom and call on the citizens to fight for their true independence. Faiz Ahmed Faiz desires for the people to be free so he attempts to rally the citizens to join together to find their freedom. When a group of people is oppressed, there will be at least one person who is willing to fight against the oppressors and will attempt to inspire others to do the same.
Sources in order of appearance:
https://medium.com/the-brave-writer/brandon-sandersons-best-advice-for-writers-9ab50d8e5d84
Dear Cameron,
This is a fantastic piece, I loved how you connected the two poems in a cohesive manner as you indicated their similarities. I also appreciate you going into personal depth to really solidify the connection you share with the poem. and really encapsulate the theme of “loss” in your piece; Well done!
For any future blogs, I would recommend providing a bit more clarity on the poems discussed and further develop a connection to the text. I see a base connection has formed, but if more depth was provided in terms of analysis then the piece would be even better.
This is the first time I have commented on your blogs and I loved to read your piece. This gave me a great insight into who you are as a writer and your strengths. I cannot wait to read any of your future pieces.
Sincerely,
Aryan
Dear Aryan,
Thank you for your feedback, I will keep it in mind!
From,
Cameron
Dear Cameron,
I really enjoyed reading your blog. I like that you had related your poem through the experience of a close relative. I felt like it allowed you to connect with Joseph and see another side that you usually don’t witness. I like that you gave us a brief description of each poem and their poem to give us a better understanding of your choice.
In the future, I would focus on writing more about this experience and how you felt about it. Going further into the topic and explaining more about it can enhance engagement with the readers. I would also work on the structure of your blog.
The blog was really good and I look to forward to reading more of your writing.
Sincerely,
Denise
Dear Cameron,
I really enjoyed reading your blog. I like that you had related your poem through the experience of a close relative. I felt like it allowed you to connect with Joseph and see another side that you usually don’t witness. I like that you gave us a brief description of each poem and their poem to give us a better understanding of your choice.
If i had to change one thing, I would focus on writing more about this experience and how you felt about it. Going further into the topic and explaining more about it can enhance engagement with the readers. I would also work on the structure of your blog.
The blog was really good and I look to forward to reading more of your writing.
Sincerely,
Denise