The Cards I Have Been Dealt

Credo Assignment inspired by Half Broke Horses by Jeanette Walls

Half Broke Horses, a biography written by Jeanette Walls about her grandmother, affected me in a way only a few life stories have. Lily Casey was a strong, no-nonsense woman who faced her personal challenges with a mindset of growth, rather than one of blaming fate. From being a hardworking child in times of crisis at the family farm to traveling across Texas in thirty days on horseback to teach underprivileged kids in Arizona, Lily lived a fulfilling life because she refused to be defined by her circumstances. Her attitude can be summed up perfectly by the following quote from the book:

“God deals us all different hands. How we play ’em is up to us.”

In almost all card games, each player is dealt a hand of cards from a shuffled deck that they then have to use to strategically to win the game. They have no control over the cards that they’ve been dealt. In the same way, life requires that we accept certain circumstances granted to us without our permission, especially ones that make us feel as if the world is unfair. We may believe we have been dealt a bad hand, but it is our responsibility to work around the perceived disadvantages.

My cards do not lock my ambitions away. This attitude will allow me to look at challenges as a means of progress and opportunity. There is always some value held within in our day-to-day actions and interactions. I believe that there is a reason specific people enter and leave my life. I believe that there is a reason I came to FFCA, other than that my parents put my name on the waiting list. I believe that my life is written in my cards, each moment designed to form and reform my persona. Yet, I have the power to decide how I will react to the changes. The paradox of my beliefs sometimes blows me away.

My cards tell me that I am of Bangladeshi ancestry, an immigrant’s child, and a Calgary resident for sixteen years. I was born into appreciating the chaotic humor of Generation Z, and the hard-working attitude required for a middle-class lifestyle. I have had some good cards, such as a healthy body and supportive friends and family. I have also had some bad cards, such as rejection emails from magazines I sent my work to, growing up with no cousins (the product of having almost no extended family in Calgary), and, a common card among all of us, having to go through a pandemic in my senior year. My cards dictate my life – sometimes more than I give them credit for – but I want to see them as guidelines rather than stone-cold facts. Like Lily Casey, I want my cards to be a stepping stone used to reach the highest apple on the tree.

The only thing that my cards should define is my values.

I want my diamonds glistening with the pursuit of honesty and the protection of truth, to then live grounded in reality but still reaching for ideals.

My mother has always told me, “Aim for the sixth floor and jump. If you do not make it, that is okay. It wasn’t meant to be. Your trajectory will at least land you on the fourth, or third floor. But if you aim for the basement, and complain about your bad fate, then you have accomplished nothing.”

While being content with and accepting of my present, I will reach for dreams that fly over my head. My dreams are incredibly lofty, much like any soon-to-be adult, and I know that I will regret remaining passive to their call. But how can I deny overwhelming evidence of impossibility?

The truth of the matter is that we all want something that we have been told we can’t achieve. These may come from haters but are usually from people who care about our stability, who want nothing more than for us to be respected and secure. The truth of the matter is that these people are forcing us to face the facts, that sometimes, it is not in our cards.

This is when I remember my mother’s words, “It wasn’t meant to be.” I can and will jump, but if I fall, it is okay. I will have given it my all.

I need a heart of liquid gold, one that melts and reforms as stories penetrate through the thick vines of ignorance and indifference alike. 

Values of empathy provide the desire to see people as more than their beliefs. I read stories of real characters – and characters who should be real – to understand people, because I fear hurting others due to my ignorance. Stories, then, give me the courage to speak with power and purpose. Stories have indeed made me a better person. Stories have led me to meet intimidating people like Lily Casey, a proud and fearless cowgirl, from the comfort of my bed in Calgary.

Paradoxically, however, reading reminds me of the impossibility of absolute knowledge, that no matter how many pages pledge to inhale in a day, a galaxy of thoughts and ideas stand far away from my grasp. All I can hope to do is accept this duality, one that continues to fascinate me every day.

I pledge to spend the clubs of my youth with my eyes wide open, my mouth shut tight, and my mind wandering freely – listening to the wisdom of my peers and mentors with gratitude.

When I walked into our class on the first day of semester two, I immediately felt a welcoming vibe. I am excited and looking forward to the next few months of stories and analysis, of friendships and stressful assignments, and of learning and personal ownership.

In classroom discussions, I always feel an urge to share my ideas. However, I am finding that my listening skills are weakening, as I focus on perfecting what I have to say. It is my goal to shut up and listen to you, my peers, and my mentor, Ms. Hunnisett. I hope to absorb all of your insights like a sponge.

I pray that the spades of my old age are brimming with fulfillment and pride – pride that I used the cards that I’d been dealt to their maximum potential.

Even the jokers – the cards that are thrown to the side because they are perceived to have little use. They represent an annoying stranger on a train or a boring class that I drag through. I hope to approach these situations with the mentality that there is no bad card. There is no useless card. There are cards that define us, and cards that we define. Our attitude is how we choose to play the game. We can give up if we are dealt a bad hand, or we can watch the game carefully, pick up on an opportunity, and be winners at the end of it.

I want to use my cards like Lily Casey. She is someone who I have never met, but her story will always hold a special place in my heart for its power in taking personal ownership of one’s life. She used her cards so well, that two generations later, her granddaughter would share them with the world.

 

What are you going to do with the cards that you have been dealt?

Joker, Lily Casey Photo, Featured Image

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6 thoughts on “The Cards I Have Been Dealt

  1. Dear Nazeefa,
    No shock that your writing is beyond anyone’s expectations. You presented amazing insight, which is clearly reflected in your writing. I especially valued how you connected to Lily Casey’s writing to express your own experience with the cards you’ve been dealt. “What are you going to do with the cards that you have been dealt?” It was incredibly significant that you ended the piece with an opportunity for the reader to explore their own life.

    As much as I loved your writing, for next time I think one thing would be to include more images. There were some but I think that some of the points you made could be emphasized with visual references. For instance, ” My dreams are incredibly lofty, much like any soon-to-be adult, and I know that I will regret remaining passive to their call.”; by having an image, you could implement personal experiences without steering away from the objective of your writing.

    It was exciting that you incorporated a different perspective entirely by referencing Lily Casey throughout, ensuring that you continued to have a distinction between Casey’s and your ideas. I can’t wait to read more of your work in the future; continue to persevere like Lily Casey!
    Sincerely,
    Abeer

    • Dear Abeer,
      Thank you so much for your amazing comment! I am glad that you enjoyed my piece. I appreciated that you noted how important Lily Casey was in my forming of the idea. I absolutely love her character, and would hope that other readers enjoy her work as much as I did.
      You are absolutely right. I should have added more visuals to break up the text, and I will keep that in mind next time.
      I look forward to your comments!
      Nazeefa

  2. Dear Nazeefa,

    I have felt a redefined sense of both enlightenment and enjoyment after having read the piece that you crafted! First and foremost, the concept of the cards that you married throughout the course of your entire writing piece was done so, with smooth transitions and great connections of ideas. The philosophical ideas that you stated in the line, “We may believe we have been dealt a bad hand, but it is our responsibility to work around the perceived disadvantages,” was very thought-provoking and like many, I have found myself at times blaming the circumstances that I may be encountering rather than taking the initiative thus this idea was both insightful and relatable. Furthermore, I enjoyed the realism or practicality of the concepts that you were analyzing, for instance, when you mentioned that there are circumstances beyond our control, and we have to face the hard facts “that sometimes, it is not in our cards.” Moreover, I found it moving when you mentioned that stories helped you become a better person as it enhanced your ability to comprehend others and situations with more ease through knowledge. Albeit, you did an insightful contrast that regardless of how much knowledge one is capable of embracing; absolute knowledge is unattainable, and living by this duality is very humble. Finally, I found it very intriguing when you included the jack which is typically the neglected card in your conclusion it was a good final idea to link all of the concepts together.
    For the future, I would recommend expanding a little more on some of your personal experiences. As I really enjoyed your philosophical interpretations of the quotes that you included it could be further strengthened by incorporating some experiences within your life that connect with the overarching themes of those quotes. Also, by adding more of your personal stories as examples for the ideas that you mentioned it would help to unify your piece even further and establish a stronger connection with yourself and the audience.
    All in all, Nazeefa you have created a wonderful piece. Your style of writing is clear, and your ideas eye-opening; you have great skills and I look forward to reading your future pieces!

    Sincerely,
    Kshef Kamran

    • Dear Kshef,
      Thank you so much for your thought-provoking comment! I am humbled by how you found so much value within my words, as I had also found in your piece. The cards were influenced by Lily Casey and her life story, something that both scared and inspired me.
      Thank you for your feedback on including more personal stories to humanize my experiences. I do agree that a lot of my words were highly philosophical, and giving practical examples would have created more unity.
      I look forward to your comments!
      Nazeefa

  3. Dear Nazeefa,
    I miss your intelligence. I love how you can analyze anything and find some deeper hidden meaning that I could never glean for myself. Seeing how you are continually trying to learn from life and strive for more is genuinely inspiring. I also just miss you!
    I LOVED how you used the cards’ suits to represent the different lessons you wanted to learn from. This was especially strong, coupled with the quote that you chose. I especially love your section about diamonds because it connected with something I wrote about in my blog. I loved your mom’s metaphor and how it added the extra layer of pitying yourself when you aim and land in the “garage”. I also loved how you talked about the conflict between reaching for the stars and being secure, especially when it comes to those around us. I especially related to this as I head into university. In a perfect world, I wish that I could do drama and art after high school. However, my mother worries because there are fewer art and drama teacher jobs out there, so I have to take just art and English. Obviously, it sucks, but as you said, she just wants me to be secure. I specifically love your last line in that section about how when you fail, you remember “it wasn’t meant to be”. Similarly, I use the phrase ” at least I tried”. I thought it was quite interesting to see the parallels to my blog’s section, where I talk about failure and ambition.
    To improve this piece, I would consider adding more visuals. Perhaps you could add a picture of each suit before each section to really draw the reader into your piece’s overarching theme. Almost as if they were getting dealt a hand of cards while they were reading your work.
    I am actually so excited that I get to comment on your pieces this semester. It is always a pleasure to read your work.
    Sincerely,
    Abby

    • Dear Abby,
      Your comments always make me smile. Thank you for your love and kind words. The card idea was one circulating in my head for some time, but this assignment gave me the chance to flesh it out. I do relate to your conversation about security, and my parents are also having that discussion with me. I understand their worries, but I also don’t. Hopefully, we both can reconcile the extremes.
      You and Abeer both pointed out that I could add more images, and I agree with you completely. I will remember this for my next post.
      I look forward to your comments.
      Nazeefa

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